worldpeace wrote:I know I am getting personal, but I am not able to ressist myself. Are there BK/PBK/x-BK who are/whom you know left Gyan and got back in to a normal lokik life? My urge to get back to Gyan, hmmm rather an individual life is increasing with time. But I have travelled a bit far (by Indian standards) to get back in to Gyan. I have committed myself for a personal relationship. I hope I am conveying what I intend to. But is it a call from God? ...
I am arriving a bit late, having been locked out of my account for some weeks. Others have written wisely, insightfully, compassionately.
What I might add is this: What if someone were listening to your story, and whatever you spoke of your heart's desires, whether affection expressed through physical touch, whether spiritual discipline and attainment, the savoring of food, the achievements of work through mind and hands, whatever it was, this compassionate listener would nod with understanding, appreciating your legitimate wants and needs? How would you feel?
What if all your desires were legitimate? Perhaps as you went through the list, some would stand out, having more emotionally energy connected with them. Some might be connected with anger, rage, the desire to punish, to seek vengeance, to control. Others might be connected to a desire to escape. What if you were with someone who trusted that you could speak about any of them, and that as you spoke, you could feel the emptiness and pain behind them, feel that it is okay to want what you want, could feel that the world and God will not suffer from their fulfillment, to feel that as you become sensitive to your own hurts, you could find ways to resolve them and satisfy your heart without injury to others?
I think it is a fallacy that human desire can be confined or obliterated. Although some do succeed, it is often at great personal cost. Many people have shuttled back and forth between the austere lifestyle of the BKs and more permissive lifestyles where the various facets of the self are accepted in entirety, and in trust of one's own judgment.
At some stages in our lives, we want an outside authority to tell us right and wrong, to channel our life energy, to provide us the community we seek. Ultimately, we make our own life decisions. So I wish you luck with yours. Surely you will learn and grow from whatever decisions you make. If it could all be prescribed in advance we wouldn't need to live at all.
Regarding your question about whether people have left Gyan and built healthy, fulfilling lives (you used the world 'normal'), I think the answer is yes. Probably many more have left Gyan for a 'normal' life than will ever be in 'Gyan'. Certainly for me, I feel healthier now than when I was forcing myself to get up early, and was actively 'gyanifying' my thought processes. Yet some leave and carry a lifetime of regret. Who can say how a particular person will react or what is right for them? That's why all such decisions are highly personal.