Is this the end?

sakaash
Questioning BK
Posts: 45
Joined: 28 Apr 2008
Affinity to the BKWSU: BK
Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: I have been reading this forum for the past few days now and would like some advice and support, since I have become a questioning BK ...

Is this the end?

Post by sakaash » 29 Apr 2008

I've spent all day reading through this forum, I feel exhausted and drained, my mind is a mess, I am a mess. I never thought I'd get caught up in something like this. I think my gut had the correct feeling all along, how can I stay with the BKs now? where do I go from here? I cannot leave but I cannot stay, tears are falling and I don't know how to stop them - it's like something/someone has died. Advice from anyone out there please?

User avatar
fluffy bunny
ex-BKWSU
Posts: 5365
Joined: 07 Apr 2006
Affinity to the BKWSU: ex-BK
Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: ex-BK. Interested in historical revisionism, failed predictions and abuse within the BK movement.

Re: Is this the end?

Post by fluffy bunny » 29 Apr 2008

Its a beginning. Just let it all go ... and let it all go ... and let it all go ... and see what is left at the end.

Do not worry too much. It is inevitable. What you are doing is not wrong or bad ... it is just ahead of the wave. Ahead of time.

Take some time out, a hot bath, some nice smells ... be somewhere peaceful.

Turn around and look the other way. Not back but forward. Not in but out again. The illusion is failing, the next thing to appear are the realities. Your realities.

sakaash
Questioning BK
Posts: 45
Joined: 28 Apr 2008
Affinity to the BKWSU: BK
Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: I have been reading this forum for the past few days now and would like some advice and support, since I have become a questioning BK ...

Re: Is this the end?

Post by sakaash » 29 Apr 2008

God this hurts too much! What do I do with this ring?!! Do I just stop going to the centre?! What if I am wrong about all this? Is this Maya testing me?

User avatar
fluffy bunny
ex-BKWSU
Posts: 5365
Joined: 07 Apr 2006
Affinity to the BKWSU: ex-BK
Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: ex-BK. Interested in historical revisionism, failed predictions and abuse within the BK movement.

Re: Is this the end?

Post by fluffy bunny » 29 Apr 2008

It won't sound helpful but I would say do nothing right now. Just give it a little time, feel and breath.

When you have felt something is there, but it has been denied by other, then you see the proof of it ... everything does change. It is like abuse in a family. I should think there will be no more intermediaries between you and your god from now on it ... only equals.

There is a lot to digest here. A very lot. Give it some time.

sakaash
Questioning BK
Posts: 45
Joined: 28 Apr 2008
Affinity to the BKWSU: BK
Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: I have been reading this forum for the past few days now and would like some advice and support, since I have become a questioning BK ...

Re: Is this the end?

Post by sakaash » 29 Apr 2008

Thank you ex-l, I will give this some time as you suggest...thanks again.

User avatar
mr green
ex-BK
Posts: 1100
Joined: 07 Apr 2006
Affinity to the BKWSU: ex-BK

Re: Is this the end?

Post by mr green » 29 Apr 2008

Friend, I have been through it.

It hurts like hell, and it ******* your brain for some time.

How long were you a BK?, the longer and the more into it you were, the harder it will hurt.

You now face the task of unravelling the strings of deception you created under their guidance.

IT IS WORTH IT, YOU'LL GET THROUGH AND YOU WILL HAVE A PROPER LIFE AGAIN.

Ask anything, people here will support you.

It wouldn't be right for me to tell you what to do, .....but you have to undo what's wrong.

sarah
ex-BK
Posts: 51
Joined: 25 Feb 2008
Affinity to the BKWSU: ex-BK
Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: ex-BK
Location: United Kingdom

Re: Is this the end?

Post by sarah » 29 Apr 2008

Sakaash,

I have been moved by your plight Sakaash and I just want you to know that you are not alone - I left the BK'S about two months ago now, and it still hurts like hell. I was going to post a similar thread because the void is just very painful. Listen to Mr Green and ex-l because they have been through the void and they have come out the other side and they know EXACTLY what you are going through. I am still going through it and even if sometimes I feel I wish I could go back in time, this could never happen, because I could never be so naive again.

At the moment life is difficult without the sense of having found the answer finally, having met the family and knowing what it is all about. But I realise now that it was not the answer, nor were they my family and I certainly don't think they ever really knew what 'it was all about' (i.e life, God, the universe etc). ex-l once said that sometimes you have to just stop making sense and for a time just accept that it is a pathless path. I think I would second what ex-l says about doing nothing at this moment, just being with it. You may still need to go to class, or meditate or hang out with other BK's. Don't worry, don't do anything drastic. Keep it within for now if you must. Just be aware that you are going through a process, you may or may not be shedding a skin. You may just be going through this process only to return to what you knew before, even more determined, or like most of us here, you may be about to start making your way to the door marked 'EXIT.' You are not alone Sakaash.


Love and light, Sarah

peterbindi
ex-BK
Posts: 88
Joined: 03 Jan 2008
Affinity to the BKWSU: ex-BK
Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: Looking for God and for myself.

Re: Is this the end?

Post by peterbindi » 29 Apr 2008

Dear Sakaash.

You are strong and you can take this, keep the good's and lose the bad, you can do this.

What you need first is silence ... your silence ... keep this, it's yours, it belong to you. It makes you strong to clean the loose ends. Be patient in this.


peterbindi.

User avatar
alladin
Friends and family of
Posts: 718
Joined: 27 Feb 2007

new birth

Post by alladin » 29 Apr 2008

http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/j/jimmorr ... 52476.html

Its very powerful, when Jim Morrison sings, "Father? I want to kill you! Mother ...", if necessary, cut the strings!

I think that we can be powerful yogis, without intermediaries or intruders, who pretend just to be there to facilitate our learning and our meditation, but do interfere and try to take us over. We are capable of using our discrimination power as well as following our gut feelings, and take decisions accordingly. I thought the BKs opened my third eye in the beginning, but they later infiltrated in it.

So, who is who, what's Maya? Who are the enemies and vampires? In lokik life, we don't like being used by friends, colleagues, partners. We do not want to be around opportunistic, phoney people, con artists. I must confess that some time, in the very beginning, when I took Gyan, whilst I was having very powerful realizations and meditation experiences, flying stage, super sensuous joy ... my instinct tried to tell me that "this is clearly a sect". But I did not listen, like we don't listen when we fall in love. In romantic relationships, often when things deteriorate and the true nature of other person becomes evident, and so the incompatibilities, we must admit, in hindsight that we knew all the way, just we did not want to fall out of love too soon, because it felt good or it felt like a failure to give it a cut earlier, or we were afraid of what would happen next, having to face loneliness and pain. In fact, it can be a new birth, new doors may open, in this case, fresh spiritual growth.

Associating to a sect, is like a drug. Some people, once ready to stop, tired of all the complications and side effects, and the desert and destruction they created around themselves, give it a cut abruptly, some stop gradually. I belong to the latter category. In all relationships, I found it difficult to leave suddenly, but once I have accumulated enough evidence and distaste, I go, and there's no return. You may grant them a fair trial, study the case according to your own pace.

So, I deem right the advice many posters have been giving of taking your time, finding some peace, and cleansing your mind, detox, lightening it up from all the stuff the BKs, like ex-l said, pushed in it.

I am just realizing that one of the techniques the sect utilizes, is that of not only pressuring people, but rushing them into something : commitments to a path, principles, service, moving into a bhawan, joining retreats. Add the love bombing, followed by confusing information, inconsistencies and ambiguities, the disappointment one feels when noticing that high ranks ,supposed to be examples, preach something and in fact have no dharna and no love.

No wonder one feels as if the head has been in a spin and there are good chances that he/she will end up obeying without questioning, because after such a mis treatment, mind and intellect are worn out and cannot be utilized!

Just like my friend's poodle the day she came back from the dog's hairdresser, washed, shaved, caged, perfumed and air blow dried, she was acting like crazy, running up and down, unrecognizable, far from her true normal self she was few hours earlier, with a natural long fur full of dreadlocks!! :lol:

bkti-pit
BK
Posts: 274
Joined: 14 Jun 2007
Affinity to the BKWSU: ex-BK

Re: Is this the end?

Post by bkti-pit » 29 Apr 2008

Hi Sakaash!

I dare to say that what you are going through is very healthy. It is like a detox cure. The pain must be part of the healing process. Or should we call it a growing process? Growing out of illusion and deceit ...

I haven't gone trough it myself in the way others here did, but I did experience hellish pain at times when exposed to things that had been happening in the BK world. I decided to stay and have no intention of leaving but I am not the same and am very grateful for that.

To say it in BK terms, it must be very accurate in the Drama that you came here at this time. I think that it is wise not to over-react and give yourself some time to sort out your thoughts and feelings. This is probably the best place to find support for what you are going through.

PEACE!

sakaash
Questioning BK
Posts: 45
Joined: 28 Apr 2008
Affinity to the BKWSU: BK
Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: I have been reading this forum for the past few days now and would like some advice and support, since I have become a questioning BK ...

Re: Is this the end?

Post by sakaash » 29 Apr 2008

Hi everyone,

Thank you all sooo much for your kind words and support, to answer Mr Greens' question, I did the course when I was quite young and then again about 3 years ago, the teachings never left me though, I've been kind of practicing a yogi way of life before I came into Yoga - no meat, alcohol, cigarettes and celibate to boot! So I fit in really well. I do need time to get through this, the thought of not going to class in the morning makes me shudder. How on earth do you break away from something like this? The worst part of this for me is thinking that I did not really meet God after all, I remember feeling so relieved that my search had ended and now I am anxious again x100! Was it God or not? I really don't know, so I guess not?!

User avatar
joel
ex-BK
Posts: 440
Joined: 01 May 2006
Affinity to the BKWSU: ex-BK
Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: I was an active BK for 12 years. That was long ago. Now I am just a person.

Re: Is this the end?

Post by joel » 29 Apr 2008

Sakaash wrote:The worst part of this for me is thinking that I did not really meet God after all, I remember feeling so relieved that my search had ended and now I am anxious again x100! Was it God or not? I really don't know, so I guess not?!
I, too, sympathize with difficulty of this transition in your life.

Although you may not feel this way now, I think you will eventually realize that meeting yourself is the greatest treasure, and enables you to meet others fully present as your spontaneous being expresses.

Probably if you hadn't left, you wouldn't have encountered yourself, not in the same depth, because of the self-deception and suppression that goes with trying to "fit in".

bkti-pit
BK
Posts: 274
Joined: 14 Jun 2007
Affinity to the BKWSU: ex-BK

Re: Is this the end?

Post by bkti-pit » 30 Apr 2008

joel wrote:... meeting yourself is the greatest treasure ...
It has been my experience that realizing myself was as important, valuable and intoxicating as discovering God. So if I end up one day having full faith that I have been fooled thinking I really had a relationship with God, I will not feel I wasted my time.

User avatar
arjun
PBK
Posts: 11588
Joined: 01 May 2006
Affinity to the BKWSU: PBK
Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: To exchange views with past and present members of BKWSU and its splinter groups.
Location: India

Re: Is this the end?

Post by arjun » 30 Apr 2008

sakaash wrote:I cannot leave but I cannot stay, tears are falling and I don't know how to stop them - it's like something/someone has died. Advice from anyone out there please?
Dear friend,
Om Shanti. If you cannot/do not wish to leave the BKs immediately, I think you could learn a lot from bkti-pit. He/she has shown a lot of courage in writing his/her true feelings about BKs despite continuing to visit the BK centers for the benefit of self and others.

Despite all the individual/organizational weakness there is still a lot to gain from the BK knowledge if you follow the Shrimat and not the manmat (of individuals). Of course it depends on you to choose whatever is beneficial for you from this path of knowledge.

Regards,
OGS,
Arjun

bluesky
Questioning BK
Posts: 26
Joined: 27 Mar 2008
Affinity to the BKWSU: questioning BK
Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: I would like to follow up on what is actually happening vs. what people are saying is happening.

Re: Is this the end?

Post by bluesky » 30 Apr 2008

Hello Saakash,

See this as an experience and learn from it. I went through it as well. Keep all the good things you have learnt here, you may need it in your life, especially in making a difference in yours and others life. Be aware of what is happening, keep your eyes and ear opened so that you won't be deceived or used by people for achieving their ulterior motives.

Whether you should stay in BK or not is your final decision, but my point is don't let yourself be used, without you being fully aware. This a phase (feeling deceived) we go through, so its alright to resent, rant and rave and shed tears here and there, but don't let anger, confusion and sadness dominate you longer than you need. Take up something that will empower and make you happy, like reading, travelling, community chat, going for movies (iron man is coming soon), sleeping etc.

Good luck ...

Bluesky

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests