Falling

for ex-Brahma Kumaris, to discuss matters related to their experiences in BKWSU & after leaving.
sakaash
Questioning BK
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Falling

Post by sakaash » 23 Aug 2008

What do you do when the bk illusion becomes just that and you end up with a whole lot of **** that you put to one side finally making a larger than life appearance ... screwing with your mind and life? My old dark friend is back with a vengeance, he feels betrayed that I left him for so long and now he is making me suffer ... shadows are dancing everywhere.

peterbindi
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Re: Falling

Post by peterbindi » 23 Aug 2008

Dear Sakaash.

First try to become in silence and slowly stop your illusions ... get real ... Maya is strong, you are also strong.

Tell your dark friend that it is not of use to be friends any more and tell him the reason why.

Be patience in this situation.

Have love for Baba.

peterbindi.

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tom
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Re: Falling

Post by tom » 23 Aug 2008

sakaash wrote:what do you do when the BK illusion becomes just that and you end up with a whole lot of **** that you put to one side finally making a larger than life appearance ... screwing with your mind and life?
Take it easy, dear sakaash. You can find here many elephant riders who once failed and then recovered and moved on. Time heals the ones who are courageous to help themselves.
my old dark friend is back with a vengeance, he feels betrayed that I left him for so long and now he is making me suffer
I would not give a damn. If he makes you suffer now, he will do it always. Just move on.

With best wishes

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fluffy bunny
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Re: Falling

Post by fluffy bunny » 23 Aug 2008

Difficult to know what you mean without specifics. Maya is Maya is Maya ... its not real. Take a bath, a hot sweet drink ... tomorrow you will wake up, it will have all gone and you will wonder what it was all about.

Welcome back to being human ... think of those that are really suffering, that are going to wake tomorrow with no home, no food, no family etc. Count your blessing and let it all go straight past you.

sakaash
Questioning BK
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Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: I have been reading this forum for the past few days now and would like some advice and support, since I have become a questioning BK ...

Re: Falling

Post by sakaash » 23 Aug 2008

Its not working ... none of it does, none.

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fluffy bunny
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Re: Falling

Post by fluffy bunny » 24 Aug 2008

We need more clues Sakaash. Which demons are you fighting?

sakaash
Questioning BK
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Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: I have been reading this forum for the past few days now and would like some advice and support, since I have become a questioning BK ...

Re: Falling

Post by sakaash » 24 Aug 2008

cannot bring myself to say it ex-l ... much less type it. Sorry, things are so dark now, even with the lights on it's just dark ... who knew all this was waiting for me!

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fluffy bunny
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Re: Falling

Post by fluffy bunny » 24 Aug 2008

Well, everything changes. When it does, and you have a clue of what was going on, let us know.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel and these are the times that we create more depth and more strength from within ourselves. There is always 'private messaging' or email. Hot baths and extra sleep often help. Make sure to eat. If it gets that bad, go see a doctor.

peterbindi
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Re: Falling

Post by peterbindi » 24 Aug 2008

Dear Sakaash.

It looks like that this take some time ... stronger Maya needs more time to overcome. Here is a Murli point; When children show courage, the Father gives help. I hope you can go to the depth of it.

I wish you well.

peterbindi.

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mr green
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Re: Falling

Post by mr green » 24 Aug 2008

You will be OK, those demons are weak, little ******* things, pathetic paper tigers.

You have to take strength from those who truly love you, your real family and your real friends.

You will get through.

bkti-pit
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Re: Falling

Post by bkti-pit » 24 Aug 2008

I do not really know what is happening to you Sakaash but I imagine it could be related to what you were going through when you introduced yourself on the Forum a few months ago. Let me just share something that helped me a lot to steer my boat through the fog.

Baba often says in the Murlis that it is better to die than to renounce one's religion. Arjun or other Hindi speaking can correct me if I am wrong but I think that the word religion is a poor translation of the word Dharma, which in this context I understand more as being your principles or your conscience, your inner sense of Truth.

Baba also said (I hope I am not making this one up and that others remember it too) that the worst sin is to kill or suppress our conscience (big news for those who thought the biggest sin was lust!).

This is what my instinct was telling me anyway and this is what I did to the best of my capacity, and I never regretted it even if it otherwise meant seemingly going against Shrimat.

I have no problem accepting that someone else's or everyone else's conscience may feel differently about something but I have to live up to my own. It is the only way I can feel at peace.

It took me a while to sort out within my feelings what was genuinely from my conscience and what was from external influences but I got better at it with time. Really, I cannot remember a single instance when my instinct have deceived me since I adopted the BK life but I used to be very hesitant and to doubt myself a lot. Experience has shown me again and again that my sense of Truth is good and I have now gained a lot of confidence in my sense of right and wrong.

The second biggest sin in my opinion is guilt consciousness. Sorry! No Murli point to back this up! ;) ... just my experience.

sakaash
Questioning BK
Posts: 45
Joined: 28 Apr 2008
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Please give a short description of your interest in joining this forum.: I have been reading this forum for the past few days now and would like some advice and support, since I have become a questioning BK ...

Re: Falling

Post by sakaash » 24 Aug 2008

And tell the Dr what, ex-l? Am I going out of my mind here? A friend once told me that nutters don't know they are nutters, weirdly comforting. The only place to catch some zzzzzzzzzzzzz's is the couch with the lights and TV on! Flatmates are not curious yet! Wouldn't know where to start explaining this ... family and friends duly alienated, on my own except for you all - just need to stop thinking for a bit.

peterbindi
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Re: Falling

Post by peterbindi » 24 Aug 2008

Dear Sakaash.

Years ago, I was in the dark and the only thing I felt was black danger everywhere. There was no protection from anything and nobody at all. This endless and painful time for me was a test to go into myself. That was the only way to go in the middle of all the rubbish.
The only thing where I felt some safety was in me, myself, as a soul alone ... me ... the soul ... only me. And I still feel the tears behind my eyes when I write this but, OK, for me it is history.

The medicine I use was to never give up ... never ... and, yes, I did go to the doctor and tell him honest how mad my mind was ... no shame. The only way to get out of this is to become totally honest to your self, see where you invested your intellect and then see what is good, what is wrong and then get rid of the bad and take the good.

Please be patience in this.

peterbindi.

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fluffy bunny
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Re: Falling

Post by fluffy bunny » 24 Aug 2008

sakaash wrote:And tell the Dr what, ex-l? Am I going out of my mind here?
If that is what it is, yes. if you don't know a good herbal doctor to offer the same, try sleeping pills or tranquilizers until it passes. I would not get too involved with long terms stuff myself but I know nothing about your situation.

Although I respect mr green comments on this one, and bkti-pit's putting you back onto your own intuitions (whatever they might be) for me, I took another path and went for the aloneness. A bit like primal.logic's comments on another thread, I wanted to be free of all and any influences tugging on me. I took some time out by myself and let it all go. "If in doubt, sleep it out" was always my motto.

peter posted as I was still writing this and I see that he has said the same things.

You are in your own state of mind, you are traveling at your own speed, you never know quite what you are being given until it is passed, so hang on in there.

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paulkershaw
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Re: Falling

Post by paulkershaw » 25 Aug 2008

I think many of us have (and many still do) experience this 'dark energy' from time to time and it's a difficult process as it makes one feel all alone, depressed; guilty and angry amongst many other processes.

I've personally come to know it as a shadow side, as the night of the soul, as that energy which is unfinished within us. I also have learnt to try and see it as a shadow cast by myself trying to look into the sun (the light) and it this unfinished 'business' that casts a long dark shadow behind us, and because I am not used to seeing this shadow, or have not been looking for it as I may have believed that it no longer exists, and it's power over me is potentially huge.

The shadow side - or shadow self - of spiritual life is well documented in many books, and info can be found on-line and in various resources. Sakaash I wish to say to you that the more you research this experience and the more your try and face it, the less power over you it will have - and eventually you may find that you begin to appreciate this aspect of self as it may just reflect the light one is working with.

Hoping to have given you another viewpoint and that I have expained accurately enough for you to understand me. Let me know otherwise and i'll try pm you more info, in case ou think it's vald for your experience.

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